Missing James: One Month In

This morning I was crossing 39th and a woman in a car slowed down and shouted, “Hey, Bill. Sorry about James.” I heard it in Starbucks a few days ago, and from a cashier at Zupan’s last Friday. In fact, I stopped at Zupan’s after turning in the last of the cable access shows – we were obligated through December. The next few weeks of the Born to Slack show are frankly, kind of lame. They’re just some standard reruns of other subjects like the protest march, etc…James isn’t even in them. This past week was the last official rerun with him in it – a vintage show from 2004.
I watched it again last night and it was all there: James’ spirit, humor, and charisma. Of course, all the references were already dated - it’s so weird to think about him in the past tense. I’ve gone through lots of different stages with this, as I'm sure you all have. One day for a little while I thought about breaking stuff up with a bat. That was the anger stage. Mainly I’m just worn down from trying to process this.
However, every now and then, I feel the joy of life. My wife will say something funny or the sun will hit just right. It is a beautiful predicament we’re in being alive. James died on October 27th. Tomorrow is November 27th, 2008, Thanksgiving. I miss the guy. It’s been a month and I still can’t believe he’s gone. But that is what we’ve got.